Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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