1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
