Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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