I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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