My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
