I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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