dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
