made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
we're so committed to being not committed
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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