loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
