Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
he thought i was a dude.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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