Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize