just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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