Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
