i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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