Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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