I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
