tell your sister to shave her snatch
i think i have two assholes
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
