Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
