her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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