He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
