i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
