i just had sex bonerless
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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