If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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