I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
