I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Randomize
