I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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