just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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