wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
