i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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