She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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