I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
