I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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