Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
