oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Randomize
