He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
