I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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