And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
So much Jack, so little girl.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
