God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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