Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize