saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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