How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
