My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
