It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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