I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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