i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
