I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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