A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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