I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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