Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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