There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
