I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I wish you could order shots online.
I love having hate sex.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
