the condom got lost in my hair
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
