I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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