"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
