I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
