There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
