I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
