Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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