You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
