I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
