Have you finally orgasmed yet?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
