i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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