Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
