the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
