what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
