Don't you send me to vm
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
