I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
