what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
