Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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