it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
