from now on my penis is your penis
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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