No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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