i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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