he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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