Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
handjob tips. give me some.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
