Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
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