how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
