My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
