great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
