At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
