But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
