4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
