So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
