I smell stomach acid.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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