if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
