I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
