question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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