Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
