Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I need to align my fucking chakras
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