when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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