No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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